AMOR FATI

AMOR FATI. Do you know what that means? If not, I am going to share it with you. Amor Fati is a Latin phrase that translates to “love of fate” or “love of one’s fate.” Now, to break this down to better understand this is going to be based on your reality of life. We all see life differently and there really is no right or wrong way. It truly boils down to your beliefs and how you manage your life. I am going to give you my interpretation of this phrase. In essence this phrase has changed my life drastically. At one time, I blamed everything on something out there. But many times, I did blame me for whatever transpired...positive or negative. However, I am going to use this in my own personal context. There was a time in my life; I was letting external things take control of my existence. I would just let anything and everything do whatever to me. While this was going on, I would suffer in silence and say, “woe is me.” Why is this happening to me to deserve this? I was weak, insecure, low self-esteem, no confidence and gullible. You see my problem was that I didn’t love myself. So, when I got attention, any attention, I would eat it up and then some. But I allowed people to abuse me and use me because I felt I didn’t deserve better. This continued for years! I kept beating myself up over and over again. I don’t know why I allowed such mistreatment to begin with. I wasn’t brought up in an abusive home; there was love from my mother and no mistreatment ever. As a matter of fact, I was my mother’s shadow and followed her everywhere. I adored my mother and all that she endured when becoming a widow at 48. Maybe perhaps not having a father after the age of 7 left a gaping hole in my heart. I never delved in deep to understand the missing component of having a one parent household. That may have bled into my relationships later in adulthood. The missing figure of a man to be a provider, protector and a safe space. I will not get into my whole marriage and divorce later in life, but there was a catalyst to what took place therein. Each relationship and partner I chose was a steppingstone to where I am today. They had brought clarity to my understanding of why I put up with instability. During those restless years and always seeking validation wore me down. I didn’t have the fight in me to keep standing up for myself and having boundaries. So, I let fate have its way and control my being. During those years, the unbeknownst to me was building me stronger. I look back and see how each person was teaching me something about myself. With every word and action that was used against me, I built a fortress. At the time, I had no idea who I truly was. But that fortress was for my timeline later in life. Let me state that my fortress started as a wall going up but in due time, I knew who to keep out. I let fate take control, but I had the intuition and wisdom to be divinely guided. So, Amor Fati can be a true-life changer dependent upon how you perceive it. I am not saying let someone mistreat you and harm you. No, you get yourself out of that situation as soon as possible. But if you are questioning why things are happening, the way they are...perhaps there is a greater purpose. Sometimes we don’t see that till later or we may never. In any case, you should keep an open mind that maybe something much better is on its way. Like for me, to become a strong, independent, aligned mature woman. But whatever it is...just let fate be your guidance and lead you to unsurpassed outcomes.